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Saturday evening and still there was no call regarding whether or not her and her unaware crush's plans would actually occur tomorrow or not occur for that matter. Patience, hers, was beginning to wane as she sat there on her twin size bed just staring at her neon orange phone. He had to call, that was her make believe rule. If he didn't then all hell would break lose and whatever last bit of faith she had in the opposite sex would fail her for the last time. No, if he didn't call by midnight all the hope she had left would be distinguished. Oh well, one more lost star among thousands.
She couldn't, no she wouldn't think about what he had said. That would simply make it worse, shatter her faster and in a more deadly fashion. Except she was thinking about what he said over and over again, the words the hamster of the wheel in her head. Round and round the words went, we'll meet up Sunday - I promise. Run little hamster, run your little heart out and don't let the world hurt you. No, no that wasn't right - this was just a nightmare, it couldn't real. He would call, yeah he bloody well would call - she hoped, oh god did she hope that was true. Hope doesn't work that way though, so it was time to spiral away from herself into a new existence, into a new pocket of life within herself surrounded by ice. The phone wasn't going to ring by will power, hell no. If it did then she would be dreaming, having fallen asleep waiting. Damn it, she should just call him - let him know she was dying to know and give away her secret of liking him. Never, that wasn't a solution to ever be considered, regardless of how desperate she was to hear his voice again. Then just like that it rang and her heart began to soar towards somewhere above the clouds, into her special pocket of happiness reserved for making herself a walking lie outside of her room. Yet just like that all of her happiness disappeared. Okay it had everything to do with her picking up the phone only to hear the voice of someone else, someone else telling him that he was to busy with her to hang out with her. With that a nerve snapped and she just hung up the phone without a single word. It had come from his house, caller ID had told her as much. Except who the girl was she didn't know. That didn't matter one bit though, he had broken a promise to her and for that she would disappear into the unknown. Curling up into a ball she quietly sang to herself. The words had been memorized after hearing them enough, after all her father had sang it to her multiple times when they were closer, when the whole family was closer. Then soon enough none of them were particularly close, a family of arguments healed over by overly fake happiness. No one needed to know that inside she was dying and through that everyone was an unwanted presence, which was the real reason that her relationships with her family was dying. Crumbling defenses and a bubble of darkness - eternal darkness, that was her on the inside. The outside was a combination of happiness, sadness, and everything in between. Maniacal laughter to crying and back again to the laughter. Snapped, a dry twig stepped on with every intent to destroy it. Ruined, eroded metal that had never been taken care of. Exaggerated to an extreme, oh well it would all be okay. That lie was sanity, a tree branch to cling to in hopes of survival - her grip weakening with every second. And then it was all over in a few seconds and she was simply herself once more, the same old Rebecca Leigh Jones that everyone knew and loved, hated, liked, or disliked.
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