Work in Progress, Maybe

The problem was never a matter of loving you, of wanting you, of almost everything that surrounded you. It was the combination of it all, of that tangled web of lies, those disastrous spirals that sprang up to swallow us whole that became the problem. Whispered words choked to an early grave in the light that dawn brought with it that craved only to make you understand the ways in which I ached. Ached for your fingers against my bare skin, for the heat of your breath against my neck, for your hands in mine, for the rush that you provided. Justice would never be done by the words that I could whisper, that I could scream in fits of rage and ecstasy, that I could say casually with a smile you once called sly.

These are the flickers of you that I am faced with in the dead of night, when my soul grows restless and my mind has nothing but time to wander. Through the hall, down the stairs to a couch tainted with flashes of times spent together that I simultaneously want to burn to destroy what remains and keep alive as long as possible to stop you from disappearing. Ghostly renditions of our domestic life still haunt the nooks and crannies of this house monthly, weekly, daily, hourly. Jumbled together images that come and go from view, jarring in ways that I cannot fully grasp like the puffs of smoke I exhale on the deck at midnight as I try to detach myself.

Just Up and Leave

          Dusk had settled over the sleepy town of Bakersville. Dulled over blues and pinks still lingered in the sky from the day's sunset. A sunset that was met by the ringing sound of glass against glass; a toast between friends to ring out the final day of summer. Tomorrow their school lives would resume, but for tonight they were free for a little while longer. Not that other obligations had failed to intrude on their time, school was merely a different sort of feeling, sort of trap in this nowhere town.
         "There has to be so much more than this," Adelaide declared from his propped up position against an ancient oak tree. To illustrate his point he swept his right arm through the air in front of him, gesturing at the world surrounding them.
         "Says who? Maybe this is what the rest of the world experiences. All of the same old woes and joys. They may differ in the exact details, but maybe it's all really the same," countered Edith as she adjusted her position against Adelaide to account for his movement.
         "Maybe, but we don't know for certain. Won't know until we get out of this nowhere town and try to experience something different, something better than all of this." Adelaide stated, his words a rush of thoughts he had been having for months. Excitement over the prospect of leaving coursed through him as he spoke, causing his legs to shake as he was unable to stay completely still. Movement that caused now empty glasses to fall over, rolling their merry way down to the edge of the rainbow zebra patterned blanket Edith and him shared. "Like tonight we could get back in my jeep and run. Be somewhere new before anyone even knows we're gone."
         "What will we do when we get there? Find the same drab jobs? Find new friends to try and fit in with?" Edith asked despite having made up her mind to go. A decision made evident by her standing up, abandoning her comfortable position nestled up against Adelaide, a look of determination on her face. Swinging her left fluorescent pink oxford Converse clad foot towards the vehicle in question.
         "Anything we want Baby Cakes. We can reinvent ourselves, choose to be whoever we feel like being. And when we're done we'll disappear into the night to become someone new." Adelaide answered, green brown eyes seemingly pulsing with vibrant energy as he spoke. He stood then, rocking back on his feet to stay in motion. Absently tugging at the bottom of his green shirt with two bears on it at chest level with one wearing a hat and a polka dot tie proclaiming that some days he felt pretty average, righting the rumbled mess that it had become due to Edith's head resting on his midsection for hours.
         "What if I don't want to be someone new every time?" Edith inquired, feeling confident of the answer already. She was addicted to the way Adelaide spoke with such enthusiasm, such exuberance when an idea gripped him. Each word was punctuated by a step towards Adelaide's '06 Jeep Cherokee which had been an early birthday present from his parents.
         "Then stay the same, do whatever makes you happy. You know I'll love you no matter what you decide to do." Responded Adelaide as he stayed rooted to the spot by the oak tree over looking the lake by his family's cabin. As thrilled as he was at the prospect of following through with one of his life ambitions with the woman he had just admitted he was in love with he was also terrified of the unknown.

The View from Below

          They hung loose on her hips, dipping down one side or another to reveal a hint of the tanned skin underneath until she noticed and pulled them up. Those devilish dark blue jean shorts with their frayed cuffs were the teasing bane of Winston's life. A near constant reminder of what he couldn't have from his lowly position as the friend, well best friend, but that did little to assist with the situation. From that position he always noticed the slips, the little hints of a world he was denied long before Penny became conscious of them, corrected them. Even those actions held an allure for him, though he wished that they didn't. After all, they had a way of entrapping him, of getting him caught in the act of staring in slack jawed appreciation.

         Aware of a look that Penelope, or Penny as she preferred, shook off more often than not she reached down to slide her right thumb through one of the belt loops on her cut off shorts and tugged them upwards to right them. Momentarily Winston frowned at this development despite knowing full well that it would happen, it always did in the end. With it came a shift of his attention; the return of his gaze to his partner in crime since elementary school's oval face. Not surprised at all by the scowl his renewed facial observation was met with. Exchanges of expressions such as that were becoming increasingly more common place.

         "You can hardly blame me for looking," Winston stated for what felt like the thousandth time. "I'm a blue blooded male and you're what we like to call a ten," he added on in way of explanation of his defense.

         Penny rolled her eyes at this declaration. "No, I'm what we like to call a 5.9, maybe a 6.9 on an extra fabulous day. Besides I can blame you all I want. We're just friends and you know better mister needs to keep it in his trousers." She countered, tilting her head down to better stare at Winston from her heightened position near the top of the slide's ladder she had paused to fix her shorts.

         "We're only just friends because you won't give me a chance," Winston grumbled quite audibly as he stood to the left side of the rickety metal slide they had discovered in an overgrown part of their favorite park, waiting for his turn on it.

         "I don't want to ruin our friendship and you know that I'm still dating Bentley," Penny grumbled right on back as she situated herself on the top of the slide, shivering as her mostly bare legs came into contact with the chilly surface of the slide. Perfect position found, Penny pulled her lavender tinted aviator goggles down over her cornflower blue eyes, taking a moment to fix her ruffled up chocolate brown hair with natural lighter brown highlights.

         "Bentley the tool," mumbled Winston under his breath as he stepped towards the bottom of the slide for a better view. "Systems are all clear for take off," he announced as he pulled out his phone from the right front pocket of his dark wash blue jeans to capture a video of the first slide launch.

         Penny frowned for a moment at hearing Winston's mumbled comment, but decided to not say anything in response as she wasn't in the mood for that argument today. "One, two, three, and blast off!" She exclaimed before beginning her rapid descent down the slide. Squealing in delight as she quickly slid down the short right Penny raised her arms up to relish in every last second.

Familiar Landscapes

          For most associates at Harkman Industries the magic hour was five pm on the dot, but this was sadly not the case for Heather Marie Thompson. Her joyful hour of release was six pm instead - if she was lucky that day. Between her own work, playing secretary for a cost effective boss, and pretending to be a cleaning fairy there wasn't enough time in a normal work period to accomplish it all. Fortunately, as cheap as her boss was, this slightly elongated shift business was acceptable so long as it didn't get out of hand and it earned her a slightly higher salary.
          Tonight was beginning to feel like one of those unlucky nights as it was nearly six and she had barely even begun to set up orders that would have to be made promptly in the morning. Setting up orders wasn't bound to take long itself, it just wasn't the only item on her list to get done before she escaped for a night in with a movie and maybe some take out. Sighing, she kept at it, bright purple nails tapping against the surface of her desk when she wasn't busy typing away. This clicking sound was joined on occasion by her singing along to whatever music she was listening to before she would catch herself and cease immediately. A habit she was attempting to break herself of for those hours she had to share the office space with other employees.
          "You have a really pretty voice when you're not mumbling and trying to hide it," Gavin Merlin Watson stated with a smile, shaking Heather out of her work flow.
          "Do not," Heather muttered as she pushed her headphones down around her neck. "Who let you in anyway?"
          "Who wouldn't let me in?" Gavin asked while he put on what he considered to be his most charming smile.
          "Anyone with half a brain sweets," Heather shot back, grinning.
          "Way to insult poor Mildred. She tries so hard you know," Gavin said, chuckling some as he spoke. "You can't fault the dear woman for being such a romantic about us. After all she's the one that matched us up with her cunning ways."
          Heather burst into a small giggle fit over that statement, shaking her head for a moment. "Is that what you told her this time?" She asked despite already being sure of the answer. "You know one of these nights she's going to catch on to your little game right?"
          "Hopefully by then some silly bee will be done keeping me locked away in the lobby like some commoner," Gavin retorted as he swiftly took a step back to avoid a smack he was certain he would receive.
          Heather pushed herself away from her desk to keep up with Gavin's movement. Reaching her target of choice she reached out to gently punch him in the chest. "Fucker," she exclaimed as her fist connected with him, smiling all the while. "You could avoid such a fate by actually waiting to come over when I've told you that I'm done. But nooo, you have to come early to be a troublemaker."
          "It's not causing trouble if they like it. Plus, if I don't come put a smile on your face you would stay here all night. I'm sure your coworkers would love to catch you fast asleep on the job the next morning," Gavin pointed out as he messed up Heather's already disastrous looking hair. "You know my trouble making way is your favorite thing about me. Definitely what caught your eye."
          "In your dreams," Heather declared as she rolled her way back to her desk, ignoring her even more problematic hair situation. "There are better traits of yours to like," she tacked on, her fingers once more quick at work on her keyboard.
          Gavin smirked as he shook his head, the curled ends of his shaggy blonde hair swaying from the movement. "Those talents aren't ones you can tell from a distance Honey Bee."
          "They are ones you can learn from a bathroom stall," Heather was quick to point out, glancing over her shoulder to stick her tongue out at Gavin. "Believe the message was something like for a good time call this number... At least until I cleaned it off."
          "Surprised it didn't say something about breaking hearts. That's how you would really know to trust those crudely written notes." Gavin stated, keeping his position of a short distance away from Heather.
          "Maybe, but it's working out so far, so I'm going to keep riding this wave until it crashed. Maybe some beach dwellers will drown," Heather announced, totaling out her current project. Clicking open the next program she forged onward. "You know you could make this go by faster by cleaning things up instead of just running your mouth."
          Gavin chuckled, leaning back against a nearby desk. "Hey now! That only almost happened once and I was an innocent, curious kid at the time, so pffft." He pointed out as he continued to laugh. Then he fell silent for a few moments as he debated being helpful or staying as just a pest.
          "I believe the curious, innocent kid excuse goes out the winder after you're eighteen hun," Heather called out as she double checked the schedule written out on her screen. Satisfied with everything on it she closed the program out, stealing a glance over at Gavin as she did so. "Such a great smart ass helper," she exclaimed as she stood up and stretched. "Means we can blow this popsicle stand if you're ready."
          "Baby, I was born ready," Gavin declared loudly as he leaped dramatically out from the cubicle area he had been cleaning. "Your curiosity should never die, regardless of age." He added on as he tossed a small bag of trash into the bin next to Heather's work station.
          "Whatever dork," Heather said as she started to pull on her teal wool pea coat. Slender fingers deftly buttoning it up to lock in the warmth. Next she snagged her gray, black, and white plaid scarf, wrapping it around her neck before stuffing it into the front of her coat. Tugging on her white owl hat with one x'ed out purple eye she grinned at her partner in crime.
          Gavin waited in silence, content to observe Heather as she prepared to leave. "Well aren't you a gorgeous, wintry sight Bee."
          Heather turned away from Gavin then, porcelain cheeks heating up to a lovely scarlet hue. "Must have me confused with someone else. I'm just your average snow bunny. Nothing more, nothing less." She managed to eventually stammer out before once again facing Gavin. Slinging her metallic purple purse over her shoulder she headed towards the exit, heels clicking away as she walked. "Come on then, I've been here long enough today," she exclaimed to shift the focus away from her.
          "Yea, yea, I'm coming Bee." Gavin murmured as he fell into step alongside her. Leaping ahead for a moment to push open the door leading to the stairs. "After you my average snow bunny Bee."
          A small smile and a shake of her head were the only indications Heather gave that she had heard him. Taking a few quick steps down she turned to look up at Gavin. "Slow much?" She asked while Gavin continued to hold the door open.
          "Had to let a few ghosts pass on by," he explained, stepping away from the door to let it slam shut. "What's our plan for the evening?" He asked as he caught up to Heather, sliding his right hand into her left one.
          "My plan was some take out Thai food and a movie for a quiet night in," Heather answered, emphasizing the word my.
          "Well, I was going to offer my gentlemanly services for the evening, but if you're going to be like that..." He began, trailing off at the end to provide Heather time to object.
          "Do these ways include paying for dinner? If so I might be able to handle your company for the evening."
          "That's the only way I roll sugar Bee," Gavin stated with a grin, squeezing Heather's hand. Letting go of the aforementioned hand he waited for Heather to unlock the door that led into the office building's central lobby.
          "Mmhm, only way indeed," Heather said with an all knowing smile. Fishing the key out of her coat pocked she unlocked the door that hindered their escape. Nudging it open enough to allow Gavin to slide his right foot into place as a door stopper she locked it back up.

Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

          Sampson Abraham McDaniel was often considered to be the golden boy among his peers. Between an unbreakable optimistic view of the world, perfect grades throughout his college career, what most of his school mates would call a dream job, and a social life most people his age would kill for he certainly fit the bill. To those that never knew him beyond his carefully crafted barriers this portrayed perfection rarely faltered for more than a handful of moments, if at all. However, around his trusted friends his flawless image was, unfortunately, beginning to crumble, to break apart and fade away. A situation his friends were unsure of how to handle due to Sampson's refusal to disclose what was bothering him because he wasn't sure if they would understand.
          At work he could handle everything by keeping himself distracted, but alone at night thoughts of his past would break through. Thoughts that ran continuously through his mind one night that made it difficult for him to finish a trivial report for his family's business, his business. Furrowing his brows in frustration Sampson continued to mindlessly click through various browser tabs and programs as his deep blue eyes barely registered the information on his laptop screen. That was until a familiar name flashed at the bottom of the screen, an event he didn't believe was real. Still, it couldn't hurt to look into it farther he convinced himself after several seconds of hesitation. Sure enough, there she was sitting online, Ruby Olivia Owens; the ghost of his past responsible for his present distracted state. Not that he knew what to do next.
          Just like that her name dimmed out, leaving Sampson alone once more with his memories of her. They were a messy affair now that a couple of years had gone by since their final goodbye. Some days he wasn't even sure if he had imagined most of their time together or not. In fact, he was already beginning to believe his eyes were in cahoots with his mind and playing tricks on him. Then it happened again, the little flash at the bottom of his screen that declared her online status. This time there would be no hesitation from him.
          Swiftly he flicked his wrist to move the mouse on to her name, clicking the tiny green phone icon next to her name. "I miss you," he blurted out the instant he heard the tiny click that signified that she had chosen to pick up his call. The words coming out louder than he had intended, which would be a concern for later if his house mate bothered to bring it up at all.
          "You miss everyone," Ruby countered without a second thought, her coral painted lips curving downwards into a small frown as she spoke. She knew the words in part spoke of a falsehood, used to keep her emotions at bay tonight. His presence online was not one that she had taken into consideration when she had decided to wander online for the first time in months.
          Bullshit and you know it, Sampson thought, a familiar surge of annoyance hitting him as he bit down on his bottom lip. He couldn't rightfully blame her for her harsh words though. Between the time that had passed and the frequency at which he used to have to say those words he was far from an ideal candidate for being believable. That was one of the joys of being raised in a family of high society hell bent on looking perfect; whether you believed it or not you had to say it to keep up appearances. Coupled with Sampson's desire to be the shining example of perfection for his parents he always felt compelled to say those cursed words. "Not the way that I miss you," he whispered into his microphone, allowing a few silent moments to pass to let it sink in before forging onward. "It's everything about you. From the way you smell to that sleepy look of accusation you used to give me when you would wake up and blame me for it to  the quiet way that you used to tell me that you loved me. A part of me is missing with you gone. I want you back and I don't want to lose you... Not again, my heart couldn't take it." There, he laid down a good chunk of his heart on the line to be crushed completely or nurtured back to where it once was. From here on out there would be no turning back.
          Ruby's frown deepened with each whispered word, her heart racing and aching for him much like it used to. Those thoughts belonged to a different time, a different her she reminded herself firmly. Sampson had made the move to disengage, to follow the path that his parents had laid out for him, not her. This heartache belonged to her, never him; she had convinced herself of that moments after their end as she worked to get over him. "Your heart can't take it? What about mine? You let me Sammy Bear, not the other way around. Don't tell me about taking it." She began, each word coated with the anger she had repressed all of those years ago. "If it was true you would have found me before this," she continued on, fighting back tears as she spoke. Her mind wandering back to the memories of a boy that would have done anything in his power for her; what a sham that had turned out to be.
          Ruby's words cut him deep due to the level of truth that resonated with each one. At least that was the case with the part of the story that Sampson knew Ruby had heard. The publicized version he had given her was full of family holes and failed to properly portray the degree of which he had fought against it, protested every part of it. Yet despite all of that there was a glimmer of hope when she had said Sammy Bear. "What can I do to prove to you that I mean every single word of it Ruby Gloom?"
          "Tell me the truth. Not that bullshit your family gave you to memorize. That's the part that stung the most. Standing there listening to you lie and hold shit back from like I didn't know you, didn't know all of your stupid little quirks." Ruby began, digging right into matters. Tears now freely rolled their merry way down her flushed cheeks, making her glad that he couldn't see her. Flashing back for a moment to the first night that she had allowed him to see her cry and how he had softly wiped her tears away before holding her tight long into the morning. "Five years together and at graduation time it came down to mother dearest's wishes or me and it was her all the way with the story being something about fulfilling a dying man's wish to truly learn the family business and something about an arranged marriage ordered to bridge some social gap. Who the fuck does that anymore?" These were words she had said before, at least as far as the content was concerned. She had failed to receive any answers then and sincerely doubted that she would be granted any now.
          Sampson sighed, biting at his already bottom lip more. "Marital obligations are a real thing, especially to my family. Something about strengthening the family tree and expanding their territory. That wasn't sprung on me until months after I had to lose you, but I suspect it was always a part of my grandfather's plan," he started in way of explanation. The words coming out in a rush as he lacked any true idea where he was headed, any idea as to how to say any of it properly. "Grandfather McDaniel was dying, is dead. His wishes lacked specifics about learning the family business. It was more of an ultimatum at the time. Either be cast from the family and any chance of work in my chosen field or leave what he declared to be a hopeless love, doomed to failure if I couldn't provide for you a life of luxury. That was his way of saying you were only into me for my wealth I guess." He added, feeling as if it was a futile explanation of the ways his family chose to operate.
          Ruby allowed the words to wash over her as she tried to piece things together one question at a time. "Did you think I was into you for your money?" She inquired, her voice husky due to choking back tears. Her right hand clenched into a fist to work out some of her tension, to level out her voice.
          Unknowingly Sampson mimicked Ruby's hand tactic as he churned thoughts over. "No, never. You were always out to prove that you didn't need me financially."
          "Then why the fuck did you do it?" She yelled out in question, pulling her fruity pajama covered legs protectively to her chest for comfort.
          Silence followed that outburst as Sampson sunk into his office chair, replaying that last month over and over again like a bad movie in his head. "Family... I know that sounds bad, but that's how it works. I thought I could please him and when he was gone I could come back for you. That's the deal I worked out with my parents." He finally stated, his voice muffled as he rested his face in the palm of his hands.
          "You didn't find me though. You could have told me what was going on and you didn't." Ruby whispered, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Squeezing on to her legs tighter while she picked at the cotton fabric.
          "That was part of the deal with my mother. The less you knew the less likely you were to interfere, so she figured. After his funeral I did try to find you. Your number was disconnected, your parents wouldn't pick up on me, your best friend hated my guts and rightfully so. Still I looked... I went to old hangouts, drove around your home town, but there was nothing... You were suddenly a ghost." Sampson said with conviction, his baritone voice ringing clear with the truth. Starting the week after his grandfather's death he began his search for her, for his true love. While in Ruby's home state he had scoured every location she had every mentioned, had stopped in to pay her parents, who had once adored him, a house call. There was nothing left of her, even her parents had seemed unsure of where exactly she had gone.
          A ghost was an appropriate term for what Ruby had become. The move to being difficult to find had not been intentional, more her way of continuing on with her life plans that had already been mapped out. Fresh out of college, out of playing double duty with employment she had gone out to travel around for a while. Regardless of where she was going traveling was a small passion of hers. At some point she had found a state she adored and moved there without much thought, not even one or two about personally keeping her parents in the loop about her life.
          "They never told me," Ruby finally whispered, attempting to remember how far gone she would have been that first year. Far enough away to be a hard to reach call away from her parents, but close enough to keep in contact with her best friend. "Linette always did hate you more for that than I ever could," she mumbled more to herself than for Sampson's benefit.
          "I don't think Linette approved of me long before that," Sampson contended, unsure of what else to say at that moment.
          Ruby smiled for a split second, unable to argue with that statement. Where she was free spirited and normally quick to love the world her best friend was the opposite. Contrast that worked like a charm for the two of them. Linette would encourage Ruby to stay aware and connect with the real world around her while Ruby aided in the breaking down of Linette's tough outer shell. "When Linette and I moved in together you forgot I was allergic to strawberries and brought over chocolate covered ones as an apartment warming gift. That's when she started to like you as much even though she ate every last one for my safety, so she says."