Some Days Are Easier Than Others

This isn't a promise or a guarantee of the truth, whatever it may actually be. It is merely a growing handful of key strokes and letters on a screen; not that they can have much meaning these days. We're all breaking down, cutting down our communication while claiming we've never talked so much before. We being all encompassing, not to be confused with you and I as specifics.

Words condemned to minimalistic standards for a conversation with such refined repetition it's nearly maddening. Hey. Hello. How are you? Fine, and you? It's an exchange of what is pleasant, what seems relevant so long as we want to play along the surface. In the end it makes it frustrating to pinpoint who do you call, message, whatever all the stupid thoughts you have during the day? Stupid being almost an irrelevant term, more who do you send random ideas to, little bits of thoughts that could be seen as eccentric to say the least.

Sure, sometimes it's as easy as knowing who knows you best for the occasional only so and so could appreciate why this is funny. Then there are those times where there's frantic energy running through your system; not quite panic, not quite depression, not quite anything. And thoughts keep being charged up, destroyed, and life seems like a mess. Logically speaking, it's not, not in the way it can be imagined to be one. Just, you want to tell people you're only friends because you provide them with something they want or because at the very least you beat the alternative of silence.


Maybe that is a fair way to stay friends. After all, we all have needs to be fulfilled, but eventually that has to seem so... Hollow? Empty? Which can make all sorts of thought bubbles erupt and you're stuck sort of hating yourself. Except, it's not really hate or anything so drastic. There's just some space that is devoid of what you're sure is proper, so you sort of teeter around obsessively searching for... Nothing. Not that these words normally get said since they have the problem of resembling some level of sadness, of desolation.


Where as I should say now, I'm not exactly a sad bee, but I am not exactly a whirlwind of happiness either. Which means, quite ultimately, that I am rather human. As a human, I find being human to be a failing way of saying how circular it feels to stay inside my head some days.