Just a Quick Note ::
This piece was originally written back in July of 2008. It's merely something that still mostly resonates true, that still gets to me almost all of the time. So, you get to deal with it being reposted... Like a boss.
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Over the imaginary pad of paper the pen twirls, twirls, stops. Then the
action is repeated; two twirls and then a break. No ink flows from the
pen to the paper, just misplaced thoughts seeking out the right words
before falling apart again. How do you describe heartache when even the
word itself seems like an understatement and then an overstatement?
That’s the question that gets scribbled towards the top of the page, arrows trailing towards it and away from it. Every solution has a problem, ever perfectly thought of answer crumbles to the sidelines underneath the scrutiny of those pointed lines. There is no easy answer, no cover all reply to reach across the borders as the various interested parties scramble for ways to defend against imaginary strikes.
Heartache is just another way of saying I love you. Every beat a slow, painful reminder of the way things used to be, could’ve been, were meant to be. Thump; won’t you come over tonight and we can fix this problem? Each letter carefully written; flowing elegantly from the pen to the paper, no added marks of black to ruin this to be masterpiece. Thump; why can’t you just say that you need me too? An added heart for decoration with an unmistakable lack of character; there is something wrong here, can’t you feel it too.
Heartache is just another way of saying this was never supposed to happen. How many goodbyes does it take before you will just go away? That’s the unasked question, taking refugee on the tip of my tongue. Thump; will you leave me alone tonight so that I can drown in my own imagined misery? Maybe if I learned to say that I need you this would become easier, the picture clearer. Thump; is tonight the night that you finally figure out that I’m not what you need?
Heartache is just another way of saying I’m not sure of what just happened and I’m not sure if I ever will. From a flash flood of tears to pushing through the pain to show off, to pretend that I don’t hurt; not because of you, never because of you. Thump; I’m sorry that my need to lie beats out my need to confess how much I need you now more than ever. If it was that easy maybe we wouldn’t have found ourselves in this mess to begin with. Thump; would you believe me if I said that I never could get over you despite everything?
Heartache is just another way of saying maybe this was meant to happen. You and I are disasters, undiscovered arguments disguised as the best of intentions. Thump; could you help me rediscover who I am tonight? There will be no strings attached, I just miss having a friend that I can connect to. Thump; you probably saw this coming before I ever thought that something could mess things up between us. You were smart like that, always just ahead of the curve when it came to you and I.
Heartache is just another way of saying that I wish I could forget you. That’s the bench I laid on as we just made noises at each other over the phone; mall shoppers giving me funny looks. Then I fell off of it and found the pen that had exploded; making noises as I went. Thump; are you haunted by as many familiar places as I am? There are so many situations running through my head, some days I just can’t take facing so many places, so many songs. Thump; do you know when all of this will finally stop? When can I finally keep myself together when looking at everything you have tainted?
Heartache is just another way of saying that maybe we shouldn’t have done this. Why did you and I have to be so much alike? Thump; rediscovering yourself through someone else just opens up more holes. The problem is every hole has a seal and every seal has been shattered. Thump; the first cut was the deepest. After all it was the one that made me get rid of all of the old messages that said I love you. Thump; love is a lie we don’t want to admit to anymore.
This doesn’t cover all of it, not even most of it. These are just some of the words I keep wishing that I could write down and send your way. Read them, scream them, sing them; just remember it’s how I feel about you and I. You’re my personal heartache, always and forever. I sometimes wish that I was yours, but out of the two of us I think I always cared more; or at the very least I showed it more. I guess this is really my way of saying that I miss you, I wish you missed me back. That I still love you, but I don’t think you love me; I guess that’s okay.
That’s the question that gets scribbled towards the top of the page, arrows trailing towards it and away from it. Every solution has a problem, ever perfectly thought of answer crumbles to the sidelines underneath the scrutiny of those pointed lines. There is no easy answer, no cover all reply to reach across the borders as the various interested parties scramble for ways to defend against imaginary strikes.
Heartache is just another way of saying I love you. Every beat a slow, painful reminder of the way things used to be, could’ve been, were meant to be. Thump; won’t you come over tonight and we can fix this problem? Each letter carefully written; flowing elegantly from the pen to the paper, no added marks of black to ruin this to be masterpiece. Thump; why can’t you just say that you need me too? An added heart for decoration with an unmistakable lack of character; there is something wrong here, can’t you feel it too.
Heartache is just another way of saying this was never supposed to happen. How many goodbyes does it take before you will just go away? That’s the unasked question, taking refugee on the tip of my tongue. Thump; will you leave me alone tonight so that I can drown in my own imagined misery? Maybe if I learned to say that I need you this would become easier, the picture clearer. Thump; is tonight the night that you finally figure out that I’m not what you need?
Heartache is just another way of saying I’m not sure of what just happened and I’m not sure if I ever will. From a flash flood of tears to pushing through the pain to show off, to pretend that I don’t hurt; not because of you, never because of you. Thump; I’m sorry that my need to lie beats out my need to confess how much I need you now more than ever. If it was that easy maybe we wouldn’t have found ourselves in this mess to begin with. Thump; would you believe me if I said that I never could get over you despite everything?
Heartache is just another way of saying maybe this was meant to happen. You and I are disasters, undiscovered arguments disguised as the best of intentions. Thump; could you help me rediscover who I am tonight? There will be no strings attached, I just miss having a friend that I can connect to. Thump; you probably saw this coming before I ever thought that something could mess things up between us. You were smart like that, always just ahead of the curve when it came to you and I.
Heartache is just another way of saying that I wish I could forget you. That’s the bench I laid on as we just made noises at each other over the phone; mall shoppers giving me funny looks. Then I fell off of it and found the pen that had exploded; making noises as I went. Thump; are you haunted by as many familiar places as I am? There are so many situations running through my head, some days I just can’t take facing so many places, so many songs. Thump; do you know when all of this will finally stop? When can I finally keep myself together when looking at everything you have tainted?
Heartache is just another way of saying that maybe we shouldn’t have done this. Why did you and I have to be so much alike? Thump; rediscovering yourself through someone else just opens up more holes. The problem is every hole has a seal and every seal has been shattered. Thump; the first cut was the deepest. After all it was the one that made me get rid of all of the old messages that said I love you. Thump; love is a lie we don’t want to admit to anymore.
This doesn’t cover all of it, not even most of it. These are just some of the words I keep wishing that I could write down and send your way. Read them, scream them, sing them; just remember it’s how I feel about you and I. You’re my personal heartache, always and forever. I sometimes wish that I was yours, but out of the two of us I think I always cared more; or at the very least I showed it more. I guess this is really my way of saying that I miss you, I wish you missed me back. That I still love you, but I don’t think you love me; I guess that’s okay.
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